A popular Giraffe toy, sold exclusively at Target was recalled.  Check the link below: http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml10/10235.html

This past weekend my husband’s grandmother passed away.  Our daughters knew her as great-grandma and they loved nothing more than searching for Easter eggs (year round) in her backyard.  She died of cancer after a battle a little more than a year long.  As a wife, daughter-in-law, granddaughter-in-law (you get it), my heart aches for how much I know loved ones are hurting.  I myself am feeling incredibly grateful for having known her and heavy with the task of keeping her wonderful memory alive.

All those emotions, though, are completely overshadowed by my role as a parent.  In the days leading up to great-grandma’s death, I worried non-stop about how to talk to our almost 3 year old about death.  At this age, she understands everything and then some and asks lots and lots of questions.  I didn’t want to tell her great-grandma had fallen asleep and wasn’t waking up.  She might think the same would happen to her or us.  If I told her boo boo (how we referred to the cancer) had gotten worse and now she wouldn’t be coming back, then she might think all boo boos made people disappear.  Oh and then the question of religion.  Heaven, angels, soul, spirit.  And what about the wake, funeral and the burial?  Tricky stuff.

I felt a bit lost so I turned to my trusty friend the internet.  I found some helpful information that reinforced some of my own concerns and gave me good perspective on how to approach the news.  When grandma died we did not immediately tell our daughter; we felt it was best to wait until she asked (she often asks about relatives) or until we were headed over to visit with great-grandpa.  Once she did ask, we told her honestly that great-grandma had died and was in heaven.  We connected the concept of death to feeding time for her frogs which involves crickets.  We reminded her that there are sometimes dead crickets in the tank and she seemed to make a connection in her mind that satisfied her curiosity about this new word in her vocabulary.  She asked us what she was doing in heaven and I responded b y telling her I wasn’t sure.  So I asked what she thought great-grandma was up to.  Her response?  She’s flying with the birds.  For now, this seems to satisfy her.  We won’t be giving any more information than necessary; less is more.

In the next few days, we have lots of post-death duties to attend to.  My husband and I are following our parental instinct and leaving our children home.  We believe young children are very in tune to the emotions around them without fully understanding what they mean.  With that in mind, we don’t think it’s fair to burden our girls with everyone else’s feelings of sadness.  I also think it’s not respectful to everyone else attending to bring young children who might get restless and noisy.  It’s a time to mourn and connect with other people who love the deceased.  I know some folks will disagree and welcome young children at such events but for our kids, we prefer to keep them home.

This is how we’ve approached this very difficult and sad event.  Without a doubt, we will cross this bridge again and have to answer questions the next time a loved one dies.  I’ve learned a lot about how to handle things this time around but I’d love to hear from real parents who’ve dealt with talking about death with young children.  How have you explained it?  How do you handle related events?  Do your children attend or stay home?  How do you respond to curious questions long after the death?

~Carla~

Image via gabi_menashe

Last week, I shared with you the birth story of my first daughter who arrived by c-section.  My c-section made me determined to have a natural, unmedicated vaginal birth the second time around.  I know in my heart I needed my first experience with labor to achieve my second.  I won’t recount here word for word the birth story of my second daughter who arrived via a successful VBAC (vaginal birth after caeserean…get it plan v?).  I’ve told the story of my journey and the story of the big day many times.  Go on over and see for yourself.  It’s filled with lots of zen calm and expletives.  Who could ask for more?

What I will share with you is what helped me tremendously to prepare for my VBAC.  For my first labor I didn’t adhere to any kind of birthing method.  Instead I read lots of books, saw a ton of videos and chatted with moms.  For my attempted VBAC I figured I should be a bit more prepared and found my way to Hypnobabies.  It is a birthing method which uses the power of hypnosis to empower mothers through the birthing process.

I admit to feeling a bit silly about the whole hypnosis thing but in the end it put me in the perfect state of mind to let my body do its job.  I opted for the home study course and really enjoyed focusing on my labor with my husband at home.  There are exercises to do, CDs and lots of reading but I say it’s well worth the time and the price.  It helps you tune out any negative thoughts about the birthing process and keeps you focused on how important the labor is to the arrival of your baby.  I loved this so much I (half) joked to my husband that I was going to save the home study course for when (if) our own daughters have children!

In addition to Hypnobabies, I also took Kelly’s class, Naturally Prepared Childbirth.  I didn’t have any expectations for this class.  I figured anything was an improvement from my failed planning efforts the first time around.  The two session class was an eye opener.  Kelly didn’t share anything I didn’t already know; there was a lot of information I remembered from my extensive reading for my first labor.  But it was helpful to have her remind me and to have a professional share their knowledge with my husband.  Love him to pieces but he is more likely to actually hear something when a professional says it than when I say it!  The best part of this class for me was realizing I needed to have a plan for labor.  Not a plan for the hospital but a plan for laboring at home until it was time to go to the hospital.

These two things were monumental for me in achieving my VBAC.  I share these with you not because I think they’re what everyone should do but so you’ll realize there isn’t just one way to prepare.  There are a lot of different birthing methods out there, you have to find the one that fits your needs and personality.  Feel free to share in the comments what worked for you to achieve your ideal birth.  From a birthing method to a mantra you repeated to yourself to your favorite doula to the perfect pushing position – what made it possible?

Birth Story Tuesday is a weekly feature sharing the birth story of a parent from the Bellani community.  If you’d like to share your own experience, please email carla@bellanimaternity.com.

The way my schedule works out with my husband’s I spend a lot of time doing the faux single parent thing.  I get lots and lots of time with my girlies.  It’s delightful, really, aside from the screaming toddler moments and the crying baby moments.   Luckily, those are few and far between.  Lately, though, I’ve been noticing I have a hard time stepping out of mom mode.  Perhaps I need to spend a bit more time with adults?  So here are some things I catch myself doing or almost doing when I’m not with my kids.  Someone tell me they do odd things like this as well?

• When using a public restroom, I go straight for the handicap/family sized stall instead of the single stall.
• I’ve caught myself starting to count my cat to three for clawing the speakers.  On another occasion, I almost started to count my husband to three to send him to time out (whew, I didn’t).
• Any time I’m consuming a meal with other adults, none of my kids in sight, I shovel food into my mouth like someone might snatch the plate away at any given moment.  I’m not sure I know how to pace myself any more at a mealtime; the possibility of a tantrum has me constantly on hot dog eating constant mode.
• I have to fight the urge to open boxes of snack food when I’m grocery shopping.  How come the kids can do it but I feel so silly snacking and grocery shopping?

How do you find time to connect with other adults?

~Carla~

My husband and I got married July 2006 and our first daughter arrived just in time to help us celebrate our one year anniversary.  We were both elated to become parents.  I was overjoyed to become a mom.  I’m  a bookworm so to prepare for the grand event I read every book I could get my hands on.  I read non-stop.  I took notes.  I created a binder.  I believed this level of organization would be the secret to dealing with the pains of labor and having the natural childbirth I’d envisioned.

My pregnancy was pretty much smooth sailing until shortly before my due date.  I noticed a few less kicks from my baby girl.  Concerned, I called my obgyn and she had me go into Kent Hospital to be monitored.  I discovered I was having contractions but only mildly so I couldn’t feel a thing.  They told me all was well and to head home.  We went to visit my husband’s grandmother and went for a stroll around the neighborhood.  Soon after, my contractions came on pretty regularly and I just remember this excitement running through me.  This was it!  After timing my contractions, we realized we were still far from show time.

We headed home and hit the sack for the night trying to rest ourselves for what lay ahead.  After several hours, the contractions were  severely uncomfortable and I was doing lots of squirming in bed to manage the pain.  In the middle of the night, husband sound asleep, I got up to use the bathroom and half way there had a pop/burst sensation and water trickling down my leg.  I remember waking my husband and telling him to hurry and get ready.  Getting out of the house is a big blur and I just remember riding in the car sitting sideways because my contractions were seriously uncomfortable at this stage.

Once at the hospital we do some paper work and head up to our delivery room.  While I’m waiting, someone asks if I’d like an epidural.  Despite all my natural childbirth studies, I opted to get the epidural.  Once I got the epidural everything felt like a dream.   I’d sleep in between contractions and sip on apple juice waiting for our baby to join the world.  I was amazed at how relaxed childbirth could be.

After a good handful of hours, it was time to push!  I was so numb from the waste down that I couldn’t really feel a thing.  I pushed, I moaned, I cried – 2 hours straight.  The doctor was concerned with the baby’s heartbeat dropping so we agreed to move forward with a c-section.

The surgery flew by and I was finally able to hold my daughter.  I was groggy and foggy, shaky even.  Shaky is actually what I remember.  I was so shaky I was afraid to hold our baby girl.  My labor did not go as planned.  I dreaded a c-sectoin but got just that.  Like all moms, I was just excited for both of us to be alive and well.

In retrospect, my labor seems long and short at the same time.  I didn’t have a natural birth and all the note taking I did, did not prepare me for the unexpected.  We went ahead with the c-section and in retrospect I realize now my first birth led me to my second – a successful VBAC.  I have no regrets from my first childbirthing experience; it’s the journey meant for her, the perfect journey to bring her from the womb into my arms.

~Carla~

I blame Tuesday nights with giving me a serious case of baby itch.  Prenatal Yoga takes places while I’m there so I get to see lots of moms blossom throughout their pregnancies and then enjoy the pleasure of meeting their sweet little babies once they’ve arrived.  Many come back specifically on a Tuesday to introduce their newest family member to Deb, our yoga instructor, and their old yoga friends.  I’ve learned, though, it’s not just about making introductions to sleeping newborns in car seats.  It’s about new moms, moms-to-be and birth stories.

It’s a beautiful thing to to be a part of – a new mother sharing her birthing wisdom with women who will soon go on their own childbirth journey.  There are always questions, oohs and ahhs, hugs, smiles, comfort, cheerleading.  It doesn’t matter if it was a wonderful or challenging experience; both new moms and moms-to-be benefit from birth stories.  Moms-to-be learn that childbirth is unique to every woman and child.  New moms get to connect, explore and celebrate the road that led to their child’s arrival.

Because we get to hear so many great birth stories, we thought it was time to start sharing them here on our blog.  We know not every labor is smooth sailing.  We know you can have a vaginal birth after a c-section.  We know not every baby goes home right away.   We know some women adore epidurals.  We know others love the rush of  natural childbirth. We know, we know.  We want you to know.  First hand, from the moms who have been there.

Starting tomorrow, every Tuesday we will feature a new birth story.  And by birth story we mean any story of a family’s journey into parenthood.   If you would like to share your personal birth story, please send an email to carla@bellanimaternity.com.  To kick things off, over the next several weeks the Bellani mamas will be sharing the ups and downs of their own childbirthing experiences.  Be sure to tune in tomorrow for our first birth story!

Working at Bellani is awful for my biological clock.  Every time I’m at work a beautiful, blossoming pregnant belly walks into the store and my heart gets a little weak.  I wish it were me expecting.  I get sad thinking I may never feel the thrill of a kicking baby ever again.  Yes, I’m one of those obnoxiously happy pregnant ladies.  I adore being pregnant despite the unbearable itching, constant peeing, horrendous back pain and all the other fun torture my body puts me through when I’m knocked up.

My youngest will be one next month and it’s right around the one year mark that my husband and I decided we were ready to start trying for another child after our first.  We were so in love and googly eyed; we wanted more of this crazy drug that had us on cloud nine.

It’s so different now, though.  Life is more hectic, good hectic, but hectic nonetheless.  Getting from point A to point B takes a lifetime.  Getting dressed in the morning, mealtimes, shopping, endlessy trying to carve any time out for myself, for my husband, for each of my kids individually – it’s all a bit of a blur.  Regardless of these things which probably don’t sound too appealing to anyone, they’re worthwhile for the little beauties I get to spend my time with.  They melt my heart and really do make me feel warm and fuzzy inside.  The joy they bring completely outweighs any of the not so hot factors of parenting 2 children.

Despite the joy, though, I’m still torn on whether or not we’ll be having more kids.  So in case you’re in the same boat, deciding if you’ll make the leap from two children to three, here is a peak inside my brain; the neurotic and serious reasons for and against adding to our brood.

Convincing reasons not to have another baby:

• The miscarriage between my oldest and my youngest.  Not sure I want to weather that again with two littles.
• This is me being insanely vain but ladies you’ll understand – After my first, my body just never went back to it’s old self.  I was heavier, mushier.  My skin decided to act like that of a 15 year old.  My hair was blah.  The preggers glow was forgotten.  But I accepted it as part of motherhood.  I accepted I would look and feel that way forever; a small price to pay for my baby girl.  Then baby two arrived via VBAC & my body sort of said holy shizzle!  I’ve been sleeping and it feels good to be back!  I lost the baby weight.  I looked like myself.  My skin got it’s act back together.  My hair got its shizzle together.  I found my swagger.  So here’s how I see it.  First baby = body freaks out, stays overweight, feel physically lackluster.  Second baby = body gets it together, feel strong, feel physically like my good ole self.  So I imagine baby 3 would go back to the results post baby one, no?
• I worry I won’t be able to be the mom I want to be.  I’ll be distracted, pulled in too many directions.
• Again with the selfish reasons.  Another child means adding years to when life will get back to some kind of normal.  I know it never goes back to normal, but I imagine after the toddler/preschool years I’ll feel less blurry.
• College tuition.
• Car insurance.
• Weddings.
• I feel like a 3rd would mean our baby would never really get our full attention.  Already being the 2nd child, I feel she’s had such a different life than her sister – less playdates, no fun classes, not as many fun moments alone with mom and dad.  I’d like time to spoil her.
• I love silence.  It’s pretty noisy with two kids.  I imagine three can be deafening at times.
• I have two healthy, beautiful daughters.  I’d feel like I’m almost pushing my luck if I try to have a third.

Convincing reasons to have another child:

• If what the masses say is true, making the leap from 2 to 3 children is a breeze.
• I like the number 3.  A lot.  2 not so much.  I don’t like the number 4 (whew!).
• My kids now will not stay at this age forever.  By the time baby 3 would arrive, they’d be older, more mature, more self-sufficient.
• In many ways, my second daughter was a gift to my oldest.  It’s not the only reason we had her but part of the reason.  I’d love to give our girlies the gift of another sibling, family.
• I’m in love with the idea of a big family.  Two parents plus three kids equals a massively huge family for me who comes from a family of  a whopping 3 – extended and all.
• There’s a whisper sometimes that tells me there’s another little baby that’s mine floating around the universe.  She’s just waiting for me to be ready.  Who am I to ignore the universe?
• My first daughter is a spitting image of me and my husband – dark hair, dark eyes, tan skin.  Our baby is the opposite – blonde/brown hair, blue eyes, creamy skin (please refrain from mentioning the mail man at this point).  I’m dying to know what another baby would look like.
• I love names.  I love my daughters’ names – Dessa and Farrah.  I’m so in love with names and the prospect of not having any more children that I’ve been trying to convince my husband to add middle names to our daughters.  A third would be so much fun to name.

So there you have it.  All of my logical and not so logical silly reasons for and against baby 3.  Why did you make the leap from one to two or two to three or more?

~Carla~

So I may be the last person to know but in 2008 the FDA did a study on lead in vitmins and what I found was alarming, mostly because the vitmins I was giving my children were in the Top 6 for containing the most traces of lead of the items tested!!

Here is a link to the full study, containing all the data:

http://www.fda.gov/Food/FoodSafety/FoodContaminantsAdulteration/Metals/Lead/ucm115941.htm

Here is a link to a site that sorted and ranked ordered the data
http://www.treehugger.com/files/2008/09/lead-in-vitamins.php

Of course what the links can’t tell you is what to do next. Where the formulations changed? How harmful is a trace amount of lead? All those things I can’t answer but as a Mom makes me stay awake at night. I surveyed other Mom friends and ooked at different options and choose a new brand of vitmins that will hopefully be both safe and effective for my children.

What vitamins do your children take? (if at all….because taking vitimins is a whole ‘nother debate!)

Stacey