Despite all the hype about Hurricane Earl, I’ve done little to prepare.  Our cupboards and fridge are comfortably nearing almost but not quite low status (our freezer, though, is nice and full thanks to Trader Joe’s).  I have a few toys lined up which have been in storage (another way of saying I put them away and forgot we had them) but I’ve made a very serious, much needed decision.  If indeed we are home-bound the entire weekend, I’m putting my little girls to work.

That’s right.  I’m putting their tiny little energy to good use and giving our home a good seasonal cleaning.  Before you think me a slave driver, please know my kidlets get tremendous joy – yes, joy – out of cleaning and helping around the house.  So I cut my list of play activities in half and replaced it with household chores – vacuum, mop, organize books, donate find a home for stuffed animals, catch up on laundry, clean out cupboards (a good excuse to make up random meals) and clean toys (a favorite since, inevitably, it requires one last good playing with before a good scrub down).

Give it a try.  Fill a small spray bottle with water or a non-toxic cleaning solution, give your child some cloth and let them take pride in caring for their home.  I don’t have expectations that my girls will clean non-stop so we’ll take breaks in between to read books, play or just lie around be silly.  But getting some house work done, for this very non-Martha mama, is always a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.  Not to mention it means that once the kidlets go to bed, my evening is all mine; I won’t be debating between wanting to indulge in watching “Say Yes To The Dress” with ice cream on the couch or doing the dishes.

If you’re not in a cleaning mood or if you’re home is already spotless (good for you!), tell us – what’s your favorite rainy day activity?  We’re talking about activities to keep kids entertained, Facebook sales don’t count =)

~Carla~

From music to art to Spanish to gym to yoga to literature- Bellani offers a class for every one.  If you haven’t tried one of our classes, here’ s our top ten list of reasons to take a class at Bellani!  And if you’re a regular, let us know what your favorite class has been and why.  Or just let us know why you keep coming back for more!

1. Babies and young children love other little people!  Our classes are a fantastic way for your child to make new friends.  We’ve been very lucky to witness many, MANY first friendships that have continued on into the preschool years and beyond.
2. Moms, dads and caregivers love other grown-ups!  Classes are a great way for grown-ups to connect and make new friends with children the same age.  We know parents who met in our classes with one child and now have multiply children who all play together.
3. Our gym classes are a great way to introduce your child to the importance of physical fitness.  Kids learn how fun fitness can be and how exciting it can be to share it with family and friends.
4. Our art classes and book club classes, offer a great way to introduce all new experiences to your child – experiences you may not think to introduce at home.  From learning to use scissors to play dough to glitter and glue to creating art with straws and marshmallows, children get to use their senses to express their creativity.
5. Each of our classes teaches children that learning can be fun and exciting.  And that’s a lesson that can never be taught too soon.
6. Our music classes introduce children to new and different sounds.  Children are naturally drawn to music and our classes give them a playful environment to discover music.  At Bellani, young children find a love for music, instruments, song and dance early on.
7. They’ll sleep better.  We all know children sleep better if they’ve had plenty of opportunity during the day to exert their energy – physical and creative energy!
8. Itsy Bitsy Yoga is a wonderful opportunity to bond with your infant and learn amazing techniques to make the early weeks of parenthood a little easier.  We’re not kidding – some of the techniques will help with digestion, soothe baby to sleep and even calm a fussy baby.
9. You’ll learn fun and new ways to play with your child.  We’ve met many parents who were surprised by what their child was capable of – hanging on the bar, tumbling, drawing shapes, playing instruments, using scissors, etc.  At Bellani, we give parents and children a safe environment to challenge themselves.
10. Support.  There’s nothing more families need than support.  When you come to classes you’ll meet our wonderful staff who are all really passionate about young children.  You’ll discover Bellani is a place where you can be the kind of parent you want to be without any judgement.

Alright now, what’s your best reason for taking a class at Bellani?

Colleen’s latest post ends up being really timely for me, because it helped to catalyze some sort of vague ideas I had bouncing around in my head. Circumstantial factors helped, too: I happened to see the most recent post pop up on my iPhone while I was sitting in the passenger seat of a DCYF van, riding alongside the Child Protective Services investigator I was shadowing for the day.

We all judge each other, all the time. We rarely say anything about it, of course. If I’m sitting a few tables down from you at a restaurant and see you chewing with your mouth open, I’ll scoff silently. If you see me walking down the street with my shoes untied or my pant cuffs tucked into my socks somehow, you’ll probably experience a little mental snigger. We judge each other’s driving, our choice of romantic partners, our wardrobes, our taste in music, our Facebook posts, our writing, our singing, our posture, and, of course, we judge each other’s parenting.

How often have I caught myself thinking less of someone for making a different parenting choice than I did? More often than I’d like. Cloth diapers vs. disposables. Plastic toys vs. wood. Plastic bottles vs. glass. Sleep training vs. co-sleeping. Strollers vs. baby-wearing. Breast milk vs. formula. Midwives vs. OB-GYNs. Nannies vs. day care. Staying home vs. returning to work. Pacifiers. Junk food. Discipline. Clothing.

(I want to emphasize quickly that although this post has coalesced as something of a response to Colleen’s post (or perhaps it’s simpler to say that it’s inspired by what Colleen wrote) it’s not at all intended as a criticism of anything she said or did. I wholeheartedly agree that, yes, babies belong in car seats, and I applaud her decision to notify the police that this family was being so obviously unsafe. I wish I could say with confidence that I’d have done the same thing. Parenting may be mostly shades of gray, but some things are blank and white, and this is pretty clearly one of them.)

A recent blog post at the New York Times shared the experiences of a lawyer who represents parents accused of abusing or neglecting their children. She describes what happens when the instinct to judge another’s parenting is taken to its logical and legal extreme. To be sure, there are parents out there who should be judged. There are parenting choices that are, simply, objectively, better than others, and some that should never be made at all. Still, that impulse to judge, to disapprove, to intervene can become extremely hard to resist when it’s directed at someone who already has a history of making bad decisions.

I can’t tell you anything about the DCYF case that I witnessed, except to say that it involved a family reacting badly to a crisis that I would expect any family to react badly to. It just happened that this family was already in the system, and so warning signs become red flags, and red flags send white vans driving out from Providence. (I do want to say that the investigator I had the privilege of shadowing handled the entire situation with incredible poise, professionalism, and compassion: I was humbled and impressed.)

I think of myself in my worst parenting moments: when I’m at my wits end and snap at my children, or pull them too roughly out of harm’s way, or say something, exasperated, forgetting that they can understand. I wouldn’t want anyone to witness these moments; I can imagine how they’d look through the eyes of an average, judgmental parent-on-the-street, much less through the eyes of someone bearing the card of the Department of Children, Youth, and Families.

And look at me: even in my worst parenting moments, I’m married to the mother of my children, we both work at good-paying jobs that we enjoy, we have family and friends nearby who are able and willing to help, and we can afford food, shelter, clothing, and quality child care. I have every advantage. When I’m driven to the edge and fail to be the parent I want to be, should I be judged for it? Well, maybe. And so should anyone, perhaps. But parenting is fundamentally about compassion: compassion for our children most of all, but also for ourselves and for each other, each struggling to do the best we can for the ones we love most.

I’ll try to remember that the next time I find myself shaking my head in middle-class disapproval at the parent with the shopping cart full of soda, or the kid I think is over- or under-dressed, or the house that’s full of Fisher-Price instead of Melissa and Doug. And I’ll try especially hard to remember it the next time I have the urge to tell another parent that the way I’m doing it is the right way.

(Still, people: kids go in car seats, infants sleep on their backs, and no honey before age one.)

~Matt~

I was browsing through family photos the other day (and by photos, I mean thousands of unorganized pictures sitting on my hard drive screaming out at me to be photo booked, scrapbooked, or given attention of some sort) and marveling at how much we are able to do together as a family.  I have great shots of us exploring the sea shore with a baby on my back, hiking with a baby in an Ergo, walking across a river with a baby in a sling, and wandering around amusement parks with a baby in a wrap.  This is not the life I had pictured a person who had chosen to have three kids three and under would live.  For some reason, I had always assumed having babies around slowed you down–that a home with a baby was one where all of the family members sat around taking turns holding the squirmy, fussy, needy person who had come along, created a rather burdensome situation, and destroyed all of the fun.  Luckily for me, this has not been the case.  I do not sit at home and stare at my babies and obsess over how much they have slept or eaten.  We go on adventures!  We go to the park, to the aquarium, to the beach, to the zoo, and to the library.  We go on hikes, visit farms, pick seasonal fruit, attend play dates, and take fun classes.  Having babies around has not only created more fun in my life, it has given me the opportunity to relive my amazing childhood through the eyes of my children.  For me, being a mother is, in a word, awesome.

Three years ago when Jameson was a rather energetic toddler and Madelyn, my 34 week preemie, was a tiny ball of need, I had my doubts.  I tried to continue living the active life I had become accustomed to, but was finding myself both physically and emotionally drained.  It seemed impossible to keep my little guy entertained while dragging his baby sister around in her rather clumsy and cumbersome car seat.  During a routine family visit with our fantastic chiropractor, Kelly Frye, she recommended I stop carrying around the twenty pound car seat and start carrying my six pound baby.  Funny how that never occurred to me.  She also gave me some Bellani brochures and urged me to stop in on my way home.

It’s funny how you have those moments that change the way that the rest of your life plays out.  I heeded Kelly’s advice that night, stopped in for a lovely visit with Bellani Kelly, and returned home with a Hotsling.   I remember this as a remarkable and life changing event simply because that was the day I stopped doing what everybody else did. I stopped dragging around my babies in their buckets like everybody else did and started wearing them.  Words cannot express what a find this was for me!.  From that day on, I did not remove the baby bucket from the car.  My back no longer hurt.  My baby never felt left out.  And best of all, I was no longer encumbered by a baby that couldn’t be doing what I was doing.  From then on, she did what I did.  It was great!  Without this total lifestyle change, I would not have all of those wonderful pictures of all of the things I do with my kids.  In fact, I would probably be sitting at home staring at my babies and obsessing over how much they had slept or eaten.

I was and still am totally in love with my sling.  Everywhere I go, people rave over the beautiful pattern and remark on how comfortable we both look.  I am a regular poster girl for Bellani, giving directions to the shop every time someone asks.  “Do you know where Chili’s and David’s Bridal are in Warwick?  Well, behind there…”  When Madelyn was one, we invested in an Ergo carrier since her weight was becoming a bit too much for one shoulder to carry, and I fell in love all over again.  (I will admit to squishing her into the sling until she was perhaps a bit too large and the old ladies feared her legs would lose circulation, just because I love snuggling sling babies so much.)  The Ergo is a fantastic fit for me since I am so used to doing everything on the go.  It buckles on quickly and easily, so I am not slowed down as I pull kids out of car seats.  My favorite feature is the hood, which I use several times a day to cover a sleepy nursing baby while I roam the aisles of the grocery store or push the kids on the swing on the playground.   We are always completely comfortable, and I use it both as a front carrier or a baby backpack.

These days, I am often adorned with several babies at a time.  On the five days a week that I care for my 6 month old niece Sophia, she rides up front in a sling while my one year old Lily is my back seat passenger in the Ergo.  (This also works with two Ergo’s.)  After several trial runs, I am now able to quickly gear up and have my hands free for my two bigger children.  Baby wearing gives me the flexibility to run around the playground, to bop in and out of stores, to make dinner on days when everyone needs to be held, and to simply make it from the house to the car in one trip with two babies.  Had I not discovered Kelly and Shannon, Bellani, the hotsling, and the Ergo, life as I know it would not be possible.  I just love it when the stars align.  So, to all of you babywearers out there, how has your life been enhanced by your baby carrier?  What are you able to do that would have been otherwise been off limits?  Please share your favorite baby wearing moments!

A few nights ago, when I was channel surfing instead of sleeping, I came accross an episode of “What Would You Do?” with John Quinones on ABC.  It’s really just a dressed-up version of one of those cheesy candid camera shows from the 90s.  Real people encounter a public dramatization of a rather off-the-wall situation.  Their reaction–either intervention or inaction–is aired so the viewing public can speculate as to what they would have done. Would I have told off the waitress who was hitting on my husband?  Defended the woman being abused in the park?  Helped up the homeless man who fell down on the sidewalk?  I found it to be a terribly interesting sociology experiment and went to bed feeling charged with activism, ready to stand up for my fellow man and for the sake of doing what is right.

The next day, I was walking out of Target with my little tribe of four and noticed the couple behind me with their newborn baby girl.  They were holding hands and smiling, seemingly basking in the happy, transparent haze of new parenthood.  Our cars were parked side by side, so I stepped aside and allowed them to their doors ahead of me, commenting that it would probably take me far longer for me to complete the arduous task of buckling four car seats than it would take them with their one.  This would have been the end of our encounter, had I not watched the car speed off a few seconds later with the mother in the back seat, BABY ON HER LAP, and a Baby on Board sign swinging in the back window.  There was no car seat in sight.  As I processed what I had just seen, my little girl asked me, “Why doesn’t that baby have to go in a car seat?”  Well, where do I begin?  For starters, if a three year old is calling you out on improperly adhering to child restraint laws, you should be ashamed of yourself.  I shrugged my shoulders and went about buckling my little ones safely into their seats while John Quinones voice repeated over and over in my head, “What Would You Do?”

In most regards, I am a HUGE proponent of choice.   As a parent, I give my children hundreds of choices every day and allow them to mold their days and the direction of their lives around their unique interests.  As a member of this community and the shared space we call parenthood, I respect the choices that others make for their children.  We all do it differently, and I think that’s great!  I don’t judge.  Somehow, this seemed different though.  These parents had made a choice that was not theirs to make; they had defected on their responsibility to provide a safe environment for their child.  I had an unsettled feeling that the baby could die and that my inaction would make me just as responsible.  I felt compelled to abandon my ‘live and let live’ motto by advocating for this child.  It was as if my inner mama bear had been released.

As I approached the stop light to exit the parking lot, I saw the car again.  Pulling up alongside, I got the driver’s attention and pointed to the back seat, mouthing “That baby needs to be in a car seat,” and gesturing to the kids in my back seat.  Lead by example, right?  He waved me off and proceeded to drive across Rt 2, toward Bellani.  I took it as a sign…and what did I do?  I summoned my inner private investigator and followed him, keeping a few cars in between us so as not to create a road rage situation.  The couple, to my dismay, parked in the lot and walked into the beauty school, instead of next door to Bellani where they would have gotten the parent education of which they were so desperately in need.  (Although I briefly entertained the idea of dragging the couple in by their ears and sicking Kelly or Shannon on them, I decided that that plan had the potential to go awry…)  So, I went with plan B, picked up my cell phone, and reported his position to the Warwick Police Department.  The dispatcher took the license plate and vehicle information and assured me that an officer was on the way to talk to them.  While I didn’t actually wait around for the police to arrive or for the family to return to the parking lot, I’m assuming that they made contact and that the baby is now safe.

Days later, I am still wracking my brain as to what possible scenario would put me in a car with unrestrained kids and can’t actually think of a single one.  Errands at Target and the beauty school certainly wouldn’t make my short list.  The ladies at Bellani have spent the last few years working tirelessly to promote child safety through parent education, public awareness, and by providing excellent product availability.  Any member of their delightful staff is happy to talk to new or seasoned parents regarding what type of car seat is the best for your child, and on-staff car seat technicians offer the service of properly installing it in your car. Through a partnership with Safe Kids USA, they were able to hold a car seat check event in conjunction with last year’s anniversary party.  The word is out there, and most parents educate themselves on the use and proper installation of child restraint seats.  Until now, I had assumed that everyone knew how important it was to keep kids safe in the car.  Most hospitals won’t even discharge a baby without a quick inspection.  If car seat safety is important to you, what would you do if you saw someone else putting their baby in harm’s way?

Friday, July 23, 2010, the day after my due date was a depressing, rainy day.  I had an OB appointment with a Dr. I didn’t know (as my Dr. was on vacation, and my back up was in surgery), but I was excited to tell him that I wanted my membranes stripped.  I was the first patient of the morning, and walked in with my head high.  When the Dr. came in, I lay on the table, and gingerly placed my feet in the stirrups.  I hadn’t been in stirrups in so long, as my Dr. rarely used them.  As he checked my cervix with large, aggressive hands, and pressed my baby down into his fingers, I winced.  He then told me, in not so many words, that I should prepare for a c-section, because I showed no sign of going into labor.  He also stated that because the baby was at – 3 and my cervix was closed, he did not think my dream of a VBAC would work out.  He said “Do you know how you can anticipate the potential success of a vaginal birth?”  I asked, “How?”  He said, “By looking at your last birth”.  My son, Jackson, had been born via c-section in 2003 because he was breech.  I had never experienced labor.  This carried a bit of irony, as I am a Hypnobirthing Practitioner, and have spent quite a bit of time preparing women to handle the physical and psychological demands of labor.

I left the office in tears, and despite what I knew as an educated woman, I felt shaken, and doubted myself for the first time in the pregnancy.  I called and e-mailed everyone I knew that would give me an educated opinion (thanks so much to Jessica Fuss, Camille Williams and Kelly Frye!), and got some great advice.  I decided to take my power back, and prove that Neanderthal wrong.  I made back to back chiropractic and acupuncture appointments.  I was done by 3:30 pm, and went home feeling invigorated!  That night I slept very well.

I woke at 8:30 am on July 24, and by 9:00 am I was beginning to feel contractions.  This went on for several hours, and I called my birth coach and best friend, Kristina Fitzgerald, and my mom. At 2 pm, I lost my mucous plug. At 4 pm, I called my back-up doctor, Dr. John Morton, and he said to stay home for a couple more hours.  My contractions intensified, and by 7 pm, they were 2 minutes apart, and we were on our way to the hospital.  I was so excited!  When I arrived, I was greeted by 2 resident physicians.  One was a senior resident and the other, a less experienced one.  The “plan” was to let the less experienced one check my cervix, and then the senior resident would check her skills.  The first resident checked and said that I was 1 cm dilated, 80% effaced, and the baby was in – 3 position.  The senior resident checked and agreed with everything, except that I was 3 cm dilated!  I was so excited!  She said that they would check again in an hour, and if there was any change at all, I would be admitted.  When they came back into the room, and checked again, I was still 3 cm, but my cervix was now 90% effaced.  They spoke to Dr. Morton on the phone, and all agreed that I should stay.  I wasn’t technically considered in “active labor” until 4 cm, but they assumed I would be there soon.  They did an ultrasound, and found that the baby was in a right OP position (facing slightly forward), and this was the reason I was feeling contractions in my back.  They suggested some changes of positions to turn him, and we got to work.

As I was on my knees, leaning over a peanut, and fighting through some intense contractions, Dr. Morton walked in.  I was so happy to see him!  He was there for the night for me, so I asked if he wouldn’t mind double checking what the residents had told me.  He agreed, and to my dismay, he said my cervix was very soft, but I was only 1 cm dilated!!  I asked how that could happen, and he said that my cervix was so soft, that it may have been difficult to assess.  I didn’t know what to do.  At this point, I had been laboring for about 14 hours.  He said I was welcome to spend the night, and then we could re-assess in the a.m.  I decided to use the soaking tub, and try to relax, while my husband and birth coach got some rest.  I used my Hypnobirthing, and had great control over my surges.  By the morning of July 25, Dr. Morton came back in to check on me, and reported no change whatsoever.  At this point, I felt defeated, and exhausted.  It had been almost 24 hours.  I sent my husband and Kristina to get some breakfast, and spent some time within myself.  I decided I should try to go home and get some rest, and progress this along.  I asked for something to help me sleep, and was prescribed Benedryl.

As we walked out of the hospital, my contractions intensified, and I wondered if I made the right decision.  When I arrived home, however, they were back to 5 to 6 minutes apart, so I sent Kristina home to sleep with her family.  I took my Benedryl and got about 2 hours of sleep.  I woke with contractions, and used my Hypnosis to get me through them.  At about 10 pm, my husband said that we needed a plan, as our son was still with his Nana.  He said that this was “down time”, as everyone was sleeping, and we should take advantage of it.  I agreed, and called Dr. Morton at 11 pm.  I told him I needed a plan, and he told me to meet him at the hospital and we would try a catheter to dilate my cervix.  We arrived at the hospital (again) at 11:45pm, and by 12:15, Dr. Morton checked my cervix – NO CHANGE!  I was disheartened.  He then did something I would never forget.  With his fingers, he manually dilated my cervix.  It was EXTREMELY painful, and I came pretty close to kicking him.  After, he told me I was “now 3 cm dilated”, and I swore at him, through my tears.  We all laughed, and he told me to begin walking to get the baby down into my pelvis.

My wonderful husband and I walked around the hallway for the next 2 ½ hours, stopping every 1 to 2 minutes to squat and get through each strong uterine surge that came my way.  The resident later told the Dr. that I was on my feet more than he was, and he was working. It was now July 26. Kristina called at about 3 am, and said she couldn’t sleep, and she arrived at 4 am with Dunkin Donuts.  I was checked again at 5am, and there was, again, no change.  My doctor, Dr. Magee, was due to arrive back from vacation at 7:30 am, so we decided to walk some more, and wait until she came in.  I decided to rest at about 7 am, and I heard her voice in the hallway at about 8 am.  She arrived, and I was so happy to see her that I almost cried.  She had spoken to Dr. Morton, and told me that we were going to move things along.  She wanted to rupture my membranes.  I agreed that it was a good choice, but I was terrified that it would hurt.  She assured me it wouldn’t, and I reluctantly lay on the bed and watched as she approached me with a “crochet hook”.  After a painless intervention, I heard her say “A lot of meconium-stained fluid here”.  I began to cry out of fear that my baby would be in respiratory distress after birth.  Everyone assured me that he would be fine.

After that, the contractions were right on top of each other.  I remained in the bed, lying over a peanut on all fours for several hours, trying to get my baby to turn to enter my pelvis.  When Dr. Magee returned several hours later, my cervix had STILL not changed.  She urged me to try an epidural to allow my pelvic muscles to relax, in hopes that my cervix would respond.  I refused.  I was terrified to get an epidural. She also mentioned the possibility of using a low dose of pitocin.  However, if my contractions were adequate to dilate my cervix, this wouldn’t make much of a difference.  Also, this carried risks with it, especially for a VBAC, and I didn’t think I was willing to take any risks simply to get a baby in my vagina. As my contractions intensified, and my exhaustion increased, I decided that I would make one more attempt at making this work.  I told her that I would try the epidural for one hour. If it helped, then I would like it to be turned off for pushing.  If it did not change anything, I would opt for a cesarean birth.  My baby and I had been through 56 hours of labor, and had been through enough.

The anesthesiologist entered the room, and Kristina was forced to leave.  My husband remained in the room, but was unable to touch me.  I sat at the edge of the bed and leaned forward into a nurse’s chest…..and cried.  I was terrified.  At the moment the Dr. told me not to move, I had a contraction.  I yelled that I was having one, and they told me again not to move.  I sobbed all over the nurse’s scrubs as I found some inner strength and remained perfectly still through the entire uterine surge that lasted over a minute.  When it was all done, I remember thinking that I did not feel the overwhelming relief that others had reported when they had theirs.  I was upset not to feel my surges anymore, and I hated the tingling I felt in my legs.  This was unnatural.  My husband left the hospital to run home for a minute, and Kristina stayed with me.

About an hour later, Dr. Magee returned – NO CHANGE.  I told her that I was ready to book an O.R.  I knew that I had worked hard enough, and that this was not going to happen.  She told me it would be ready in an hour.  Dr. Morton came in and sat beside me on the bed.  We talked for about 20 minutes about how I felt.  I thanked him for gently allowing me to come to all of my own decisions, remaining in control through the entire process.  He was incredible.  I also told him that I was okay with having the surgery, as I trusted him and Dr. Magee (they would do the surgery together) to provide my baby with a gentle birth no matter what.  My baby was ready…..and that peace of mind was all I needed.

A neonatologist came into the room to describe the process of my “gentle cesarean” that I had planned in the event that the VBAC did not work.  They would remove the baby and wait for the umbilical cord to stop pulsing before clamping.  Due to the fact that there was meconium, they would have to ensure that the baby was breathing well before they could give him to me.  If I heard him cry, I should know that he was fine.  If all was well, she would place the baby on my right breast to begin skin to skin and nursing in the OR, and they would let my arms go.  My two support people (Kristina and my husband) would be allowed into the room, and would help to hold the baby on me.

When it was time to go into the OR, my husband still had not returned!  Kristina did not want to worry me, so she left the room with her cell phone and found the Dr.’s.  They searched the hospital and called home with no luck.  After about 30 minutes, he answered the phone at home.  He had sat down to look at the computer, and fell asleep!  He arrived at the hospital about 15 minutes before the surgery!

The surgery itself went well.  I felt so secure with both Dr. Magee and Dr. Morton there.  They talked to me throughout the procedure.  It seemed to take forever!  Finally, as they announced they were taking him out, we all held our breath, waiting for that first cry.  The room was SILENT.  Finally, the most wonderful sound filled the air…..my baby….Carter Jonathan Ciesla, 7 pounds, 13.75 oz, wailed loudly at 5:52 pm.  He was immediately placed on my chest, meconium and all, and crawled onto my breast and began to nurse.  We all cried.  I was not separated from him for a moment.

What an amazing, gentle birth it was!

Although my baby did not come down into his natural birth path, I know that he was ready to enter the world.  He had a non-traumatic, wonderful and calm birth experience, and I owe it all to the brilliant doctors who made it possible for him.  Looking back, I do not feel that all of my labor was in vain.  I would not have let a minute of it go.  I feel that I had my rite of passage, and gave birth to my baby the way I had imagined – gently.  Unfortunately, many births, vaginal or cesarean, end up with so many interventions, and the mother and baby end up traumatized and separated.  My birth, although a cesarean, was nothing like this.  I was given CHOICES, and it made a world of difference.  It was pure bliss – and I have a wonderful gift to show for it.

Thank you letting us share in your amazing journey.  Your story is a wonderful reminder that babies can enter gently into the world in many different ways.  Congratulations to you and your family on your sweet new addition!

When my first daughter was born I was overcome with a rush of certainty that my duty was to spend as much time as possible with this new little person.  I had never before in my life felt such a conviction for something.  At the end of the day (my maternity leave) I couldn’t make the numbers work to follow my gut.   We tried daycare for a brief stint and it just wasn’t for us.  So my husband and I altered our schedules so we barely saw each other but our daughter was always with one of us.  He spent days with her while I worked and he’d drive by once or twice a day for her to nurse.  He’d work at night and, while we barely saw one another, we were happy to have an arrangement that jived with our values as a family.

Come baby number 2 and I knew we couldn’t keep on with our wacky scheduling.  After many nights of crunching numbers and loooong discussions of whether or not we could have one parent stay at home, we pulled the trigger at the end of my maternity leave and I left corporate America (woohoo!).  I’m not a full-time stay-at-home parent but pretty darn close.  I’m with my girls a whole heck of a lot and sometimes they drive me to my wits end but those moments are rare compared to the multitude of joyous moments I get to witness.  When they’ve fled far from home to live their own lives and raise their own families I’m happy with the choices I’ve made and the memories of these first years I’ll always have with me.

We’ve been very fortunate to have been able to have a childcare situation that always aligns itself with our family values.  But it doesn’t just happen by chance.  When I worked in corporate America, I had to take the incentive to ask for what I wanted knowing the answer might be no.  It never hurts to ask and I got a yes.  I had to sacrifice some of my time with my husband when we both decided we’d work opposite schedules but it was well worth it.  Scaling down from 2 incomes to 1.5 is no easy task but it’s taught us the beauty of simplicity and brought us closer together.  And every move we’ve made has at the heart of it our love for our girls, our family.

From my chats with parents here at Bellani, I know parents come in all varieties – stay-at-home, work-at-home, work-out-of-home, almost-stay-at-home-but-work-really-really-part-time-out-of-home, want-to-work-out-of-home-but-currently-in-transition-but-really-enjoying-spending-time-with-the-kids.  I also know every parent does what they need to do for their sanity and in the best interest of their family.  Whatever your situation, though, I believe we all are striving for the same thing – balance.  If you work out of the home, you’re trying to juggle your professional life with your family life.  If you’re home, then you’re trying to figure out a balance between your family responsibilities and time for yourself.  No one has it easy even though the grass may seem greener on the other side.  Each scenario has it’s pluses and minuses.  I’ve shared how our family does things, what does your family do?

~Carla~

Without fail, at least once a day a loyal, long term customer will tell us they had no idea Bellani offered a membership option.

So in case you didn’t know, here are the amazing benefits of a Bellani Maternity membership:

• 10% off selected classes
• 10% off products (excludes strollers, car seats & breast pumps)
• Exclusive access to Bellani Bargains (read below for more information)
• Unlimited use of the resource library
• Unlimited use of the baby-weight lactation scale
• Free home delivery of hospital grade breast pump rental
• Free workshops & events
• 20% off lactation consultations
• Free admission to drop-in playgroups ($5 for non-members)

The newest benefit of membership is the Bellani Bargains weekly email.  Every Wednesday, members receive an exclusive Bellani Bargains email featuring one unique product up for grabs at 20 – 60% off the retail value.  These huge savings are only made available to our members.  The items featured in Bellani Bargains include items we carry in store, as well as, special order items we do not regularly carry.  We also try to make available customer favorites such as The Learning Tower and Melissa and Doug Shopping Cart.  Bellani Bargains is our extra special way of saying, “Thanks!”

Membership is only $6.00 per month. Pay for the first six months upon joining, then remain a member as long as you’d like or cancel at anytime. You can also prepay for one year and get one month free (12 months for the pricce of 11).

What are you waiting for?  Start enjoying the benefits today!

Over the last several months, our readers have been enjoying first person accounts of moms welcoming their babies into the world. Today, we’ve got something a little different as one proud mama’s birth doula shares her caring perspective on the birth she assisted and witnessed.  Enjoy!

Bellani New Moms Group Alumni

This is a common scene, right? We’re driving home from running some errands and decide as a treat to stop by the playground to kill some time. The four of us roll into Humboldt Park, and the kids proceed to tear it up in the way that kids do.

(As a side note, because we hadn’t exactly planned to go to the playground, and because we sometimes let the kids influence what we dress them in, Eloise was wearing an adorable but completely impractical skirt and brand new white sandals. Just the thing. We must have looked like those parents who dress their daughter in inappropriately dressy girly clothes all the time. We’re not those parents!)

There were a handful of people there, including three mothers, each with a young daughter about the same age, who seemed to be casually acquainted. One of their kids kind of wandered over to where Eloise was playing and so the three of us ended up tossing a ball back and forth. The new kid, Sadie, was adorable, and the small talk with her mother was pleasant, and I thought, “Hey, new friend?”

And then they had to leave and I found myself kind of weakly waving goodbye.

How do new parents connect with one another and schedule these “playdates” that I’ve heard so much about? I’m sure that we’re at something of a disadvantage because both Rachel and I work full time, so we’re not often a part of the weekday kid scene. (Back before I went back to work, I befriended some of the other parents in the delightful classes we took at Bellani, but since I was demoted from “stay-at-home dad” to just “dad” I haven’t had a chance to see any of them.) But even on a weekend, when I do make meaningful eye contact or pleasant chit-chat with another parent hovering by the jungle gym, I have no idea how to seal the deal.

I think it’s so awkward and difficult because it’s essentially like trying to hit on someone you just met; I wasn’t any good at that back when I was single, and I’ve been cozily partnered up for more than a decade. There’s just no way I’m going to be able to successfully pick someone up at a playground.

I often wonder how much of it is gender-related. I see little clutches of moms that seem to gather together as if by some kind of electromagnetic force. Is new parenting secretly a “no boys allowed” club? Or does a guy wandering up to a bunch of women just exacerbate the creepy pick-up vibe? “Hi there. I think our kids are about the same age… laydeez.”

(This reminds me of a YouTube video that’s a couple of years old but is still, I think, funny. There’s probably nothing in it that’s precisely inappropriate for a family-friendly blog like this, but I feel that I should warn you, as Ira Glass occasionally says, that this video does acknowledge the existence of sex.)

I am generally baffled as to how new parents find each other. Most of our pre-kid friends still don’t have kids, and although we’ve met a few new friends with children, our social circle seems pretty narrow. How do you all do it?

~Matt~