Image via gregoryrallen

When it comes to matters of the heart, my husband is a man of few words.  So it was no surprise when our first daughter was born, there was no sobbing declaration as he welcomed fatherhood. Instead, it was his loving gaze into her eyes, the way he held her & never wanted to let her go and his beaming smile which spoke volumes.

I should mention here that our first daughter was born via c-section. I had an epidural and most of “our” time in labor was spent sitting around hanging out and waiting. When it came time to finally meet our little girl, my husband was fortunate enough to have some lovely hospital drapery between him and ground zero.

Onto daughter number 2 and my natural labor and delivery. There were no meds, no long hours spent waiting in the hospital. It was him and I in the trenches. He was silent and strong; exactly what I needed. I was bossy and wouldn’t shut up, just another day. When our second daughter roared out of my body I was floored  and elated and friggin’ psyched! I was beaming. It was pure magic. Again, my husband was quietly smitten by his new little lady.

Any conversations we’ve had about my c-section have been about how nerve wracking and stressful it was to see me go under the knife. He was amazed at the speed with which everything was done. He was delighted to have the little hospital curtain drawn up so he didn’t have to see too much. I’ve asked him many questions about that day because I was pretty doped up and the experience is all a bit blurry.

We haven’t talked as much about my second labor because I was beyond present when it happened. I remember each second of it with searing clarity. I was pretty damn impressed with myself and my body. Months after our daughter was born I realized I hadn’t gotten my husband’s take on the whole experience. I asked him what he thought of witnessing a natural labor. I should mention here that I was not looking for my husband to say “You did a fantastic job, honey.” or “I can’t believe the human body is capable of that.” or even “I’m glad I’m not a woman.” I just really wanted to see how our perspectives differed. This is what I got:

“It smelled of blood and grossness.”

I love my husband. You can’t buy honesty like that! When I asked if that’s all he got out of it even though my whole being had been shaken and awakened to the core, he simply said he knew I’d do what I set out to do. Always easy to get queasy, my husband’s honesty is something I’ll cherish and surely share with our daughters when (and if) they decide to welcome children into the world.

We all talk about what a mom’s experience is like. But what about dads? What was your husband’s reaction to labor and delivery?

~Carla~

Reading the birth stories every week has been a wonderful reminder to us of why our work helping expecting families prepare for labor is so important.  We offer families a variety of options to ready themselves for their little one’s arrival and always love hearing how the preparation a family does plays into the actual birth of their child.  Then we have the families we have the pleasure of working with once their little ones have already arrived and it’s always interesting to learn how they prepared for childbirth.  It’s fascinating how there are so many different roads which lead to the same outcome – the welcoming of a new and wonderful life.  Families often turn to us for advice and insight on what classes to take or what birthing preparation method they should use and we thought this Tuesday we’d let you, our community of been there, done that families share your knowledge.  We all have the same essential destination – we want to hold a precious new life in our arms.  But we each choose different ways to get there – Bradley, natural, epidural, home birthing, water birth, hypnobirthing, etc.

Did you take a particular birthing class?  What’s the most important thing you learned?  What do you wish someone had told you?

Friday, July 23, 2010, the day after my due date was a depressing, rainy day.  I had an OB appointment with a Dr. I didn’t know (as my Dr. was on vacation, and my back up was in surgery), but I was excited to tell him that I wanted my membranes stripped.  I was the first patient of the morning, and walked in with my head high.  When the Dr. came in, I lay on the table, and gingerly placed my feet in the stirrups.  I hadn’t been in stirrups in so long, as my Dr. rarely used them.  As he checked my cervix with large, aggressive hands, and pressed my baby down into his fingers, I winced.  He then told me, in not so many words, that I should prepare for a c-section, because I showed no sign of going into labor.  He also stated that because the baby was at – 3 and my cervix was closed, he did not think my dream of a VBAC would work out.  He said “Do you know how you can anticipate the potential success of a vaginal birth?”  I asked, “How?”  He said, “By looking at your last birth”.  My son, Jackson, had been born via c-section in 2003 because he was breech.  I had never experienced labor.  This carried a bit of irony, as I am a Hypnobirthing Practitioner, and have spent quite a bit of time preparing women to handle the physical and psychological demands of labor.

I left the office in tears, and despite what I knew as an educated woman, I felt shaken, and doubted myself for the first time in the pregnancy.  I called and e-mailed everyone I knew that would give me an educated opinion (thanks so much to Jessica Fuss, Camille Williams and Kelly Frye!), and got some great advice.  I decided to take my power back, and prove that Neanderthal wrong.  I made back to back chiropractic and acupuncture appointments.  I was done by 3:30 pm, and went home feeling invigorated!  That night I slept very well.

I woke at 8:30 am on July 24, and by 9:00 am I was beginning to feel contractions.  This went on for several hours, and I called my birth coach and best friend, Kristina Fitzgerald, and my mom. At 2 pm, I lost my mucous plug. At 4 pm, I called my back-up doctor, Dr. John Morton, and he said to stay home for a couple more hours.  My contractions intensified, and by 7 pm, they were 2 minutes apart, and we were on our way to the hospital.  I was so excited!  When I arrived, I was greeted by 2 resident physicians.  One was a senior resident and the other, a less experienced one.  The “plan” was to let the less experienced one check my cervix, and then the senior resident would check her skills.  The first resident checked and said that I was 1 cm dilated, 80% effaced, and the baby was in – 3 position.  The senior resident checked and agreed with everything, except that I was 3 cm dilated!  I was so excited!  She said that they would check again in an hour, and if there was any change at all, I would be admitted.  When they came back into the room, and checked again, I was still 3 cm, but my cervix was now 90% effaced.  They spoke to Dr. Morton on the phone, and all agreed that I should stay.  I wasn’t technically considered in “active labor” until 4 cm, but they assumed I would be there soon.  They did an ultrasound, and found that the baby was in a right OP position (facing slightly forward), and this was the reason I was feeling contractions in my back.  They suggested some changes of positions to turn him, and we got to work.

As I was on my knees, leaning over a peanut, and fighting through some intense contractions, Dr. Morton walked in.  I was so happy to see him!  He was there for the night for me, so I asked if he wouldn’t mind double checking what the residents had told me.  He agreed, and to my dismay, he said my cervix was very soft, but I was only 1 cm dilated!!  I asked how that could happen, and he said that my cervix was so soft, that it may have been difficult to assess.  I didn’t know what to do.  At this point, I had been laboring for about 14 hours.  He said I was welcome to spend the night, and then we could re-assess in the a.m.  I decided to use the soaking tub, and try to relax, while my husband and birth coach got some rest.  I used my Hypnobirthing, and had great control over my surges.  By the morning of July 25, Dr. Morton came back in to check on me, and reported no change whatsoever.  At this point, I felt defeated, and exhausted.  It had been almost 24 hours.  I sent my husband and Kristina to get some breakfast, and spent some time within myself.  I decided I should try to go home and get some rest, and progress this along.  I asked for something to help me sleep, and was prescribed Benedryl.

As we walked out of the hospital, my contractions intensified, and I wondered if I made the right decision.  When I arrived home, however, they were back to 5 to 6 minutes apart, so I sent Kristina home to sleep with her family.  I took my Benedryl and got about 2 hours of sleep.  I woke with contractions, and used my Hypnosis to get me through them.  At about 10 pm, my husband said that we needed a plan, as our son was still with his Nana.  He said that this was “down time”, as everyone was sleeping, and we should take advantage of it.  I agreed, and called Dr. Morton at 11 pm.  I told him I needed a plan, and he told me to meet him at the hospital and we would try a catheter to dilate my cervix.  We arrived at the hospital (again) at 11:45pm, and by 12:15, Dr. Morton checked my cervix – NO CHANGE!  I was disheartened.  He then did something I would never forget.  With his fingers, he manually dilated my cervix.  It was EXTREMELY painful, and I came pretty close to kicking him.  After, he told me I was “now 3 cm dilated”, and I swore at him, through my tears.  We all laughed, and he told me to begin walking to get the baby down into my pelvis.

My wonderful husband and I walked around the hallway for the next 2 ½ hours, stopping every 1 to 2 minutes to squat and get through each strong uterine surge that came my way.  The resident later told the Dr. that I was on my feet more than he was, and he was working. It was now July 26. Kristina called at about 3 am, and said she couldn’t sleep, and she arrived at 4 am with Dunkin Donuts.  I was checked again at 5am, and there was, again, no change.  My doctor, Dr. Magee, was due to arrive back from vacation at 7:30 am, so we decided to walk some more, and wait until she came in.  I decided to rest at about 7 am, and I heard her voice in the hallway at about 8 am.  She arrived, and I was so happy to see her that I almost cried.  She had spoken to Dr. Morton, and told me that we were going to move things along.  She wanted to rupture my membranes.  I agreed that it was a good choice, but I was terrified that it would hurt.  She assured me it wouldn’t, and I reluctantly lay on the bed and watched as she approached me with a “crochet hook”.  After a painless intervention, I heard her say “A lot of meconium-stained fluid here”.  I began to cry out of fear that my baby would be in respiratory distress after birth.  Everyone assured me that he would be fine.

After that, the contractions were right on top of each other.  I remained in the bed, lying over a peanut on all fours for several hours, trying to get my baby to turn to enter my pelvis.  When Dr. Magee returned several hours later, my cervix had STILL not changed.  She urged me to try an epidural to allow my pelvic muscles to relax, in hopes that my cervix would respond.  I refused.  I was terrified to get an epidural. She also mentioned the possibility of using a low dose of pitocin.  However, if my contractions were adequate to dilate my cervix, this wouldn’t make much of a difference.  Also, this carried risks with it, especially for a VBAC, and I didn’t think I was willing to take any risks simply to get a baby in my vagina. As my contractions intensified, and my exhaustion increased, I decided that I would make one more attempt at making this work.  I told her that I would try the epidural for one hour. If it helped, then I would like it to be turned off for pushing.  If it did not change anything, I would opt for a cesarean birth.  My baby and I had been through 56 hours of labor, and had been through enough.

The anesthesiologist entered the room, and Kristina was forced to leave.  My husband remained in the room, but was unable to touch me.  I sat at the edge of the bed and leaned forward into a nurse’s chest…..and cried.  I was terrified.  At the moment the Dr. told me not to move, I had a contraction.  I yelled that I was having one, and they told me again not to move.  I sobbed all over the nurse’s scrubs as I found some inner strength and remained perfectly still through the entire uterine surge that lasted over a minute.  When it was all done, I remember thinking that I did not feel the overwhelming relief that others had reported when they had theirs.  I was upset not to feel my surges anymore, and I hated the tingling I felt in my legs.  This was unnatural.  My husband left the hospital to run home for a minute, and Kristina stayed with me.

About an hour later, Dr. Magee returned – NO CHANGE.  I told her that I was ready to book an O.R.  I knew that I had worked hard enough, and that this was not going to happen.  She told me it would be ready in an hour.  Dr. Morton came in and sat beside me on the bed.  We talked for about 20 minutes about how I felt.  I thanked him for gently allowing me to come to all of my own decisions, remaining in control through the entire process.  He was incredible.  I also told him that I was okay with having the surgery, as I trusted him and Dr. Magee (they would do the surgery together) to provide my baby with a gentle birth no matter what.  My baby was ready…..and that peace of mind was all I needed.

A neonatologist came into the room to describe the process of my “gentle cesarean” that I had planned in the event that the VBAC did not work.  They would remove the baby and wait for the umbilical cord to stop pulsing before clamping.  Due to the fact that there was meconium, they would have to ensure that the baby was breathing well before they could give him to me.  If I heard him cry, I should know that he was fine.  If all was well, she would place the baby on my right breast to begin skin to skin and nursing in the OR, and they would let my arms go.  My two support people (Kristina and my husband) would be allowed into the room, and would help to hold the baby on me.

When it was time to go into the OR, my husband still had not returned!  Kristina did not want to worry me, so she left the room with her cell phone and found the Dr.’s.  They searched the hospital and called home with no luck.  After about 30 minutes, he answered the phone at home.  He had sat down to look at the computer, and fell asleep!  He arrived at the hospital about 15 minutes before the surgery!

The surgery itself went well.  I felt so secure with both Dr. Magee and Dr. Morton there.  They talked to me throughout the procedure.  It seemed to take forever!  Finally, as they announced they were taking him out, we all held our breath, waiting for that first cry.  The room was SILENT.  Finally, the most wonderful sound filled the air…..my baby….Carter Jonathan Ciesla, 7 pounds, 13.75 oz, wailed loudly at 5:52 pm.  He was immediately placed on my chest, meconium and all, and crawled onto my breast and began to nurse.  We all cried.  I was not separated from him for a moment.

What an amazing, gentle birth it was!

Although my baby did not come down into his natural birth path, I know that he was ready to enter the world.  He had a non-traumatic, wonderful and calm birth experience, and I owe it all to the brilliant doctors who made it possible for him.  Looking back, I do not feel that all of my labor was in vain.  I would not have let a minute of it go.  I feel that I had my rite of passage, and gave birth to my baby the way I had imagined – gently.  Unfortunately, many births, vaginal or cesarean, end up with so many interventions, and the mother and baby end up traumatized and separated.  My birth, although a cesarean, was nothing like this.  I was given CHOICES, and it made a world of difference.  It was pure bliss – and I have a wonderful gift to show for it.

Thank you letting us share in your amazing journey.  Your story is a wonderful reminder that babies can enter gently into the world in many different ways.  Congratulations to you and your family on your sweet new addition!