Over the last several months, our readers have been enjoying first person accounts of moms welcoming their babies into the world. Today, we’ve got something a little different as one proud mama’s birth doula shares her caring perspective on the birth she assisted and witnessed. Enjoy!
Birth Story of
Finnegan Sean Chandler
Born to
Sheri and Sean
August 14, 2009“This is the story of the birth of your first son, Finnegan Sean, from my perspective, as your Birth Doula.
I first met you and Sean many months ago at your house. We had a nice quiet meeting where you told me about your wishes to have a VBAC. You had a really rough first birth experience, ending in a Cesarean Birth. You knew that if you had known more, you might have been able to have a different, more fulfilling experience. That was why this time around, you decided to choose a midwife for your birth practitioner as well as a Doula, and you enrolled in theHypnobabies birth program. You were on your way to taking control of this birth experience.
We met two more times. Once at a coffee house to where I learned more about your first birth and we got to know each other much better, and another time when we discussed possible fears and how to overcome them with using visualizations and artwork.
Early in the morning on Thursday August 13th I received a phone call that your water had broken! It was so exciting. You sounded very relaxed and composed, though a little too excited for 3 in the morning I told you to try to get some sleep and we’d check back in with each other later.I called at 7 in the morning and you were having very slight contractions, not regular at all. You were still relaxing and had gotten some sleep, much to my surprise. At 10:00 we spoke and you told me that you had spoken to your midwife and she told you that you needed to come in to the hospital to start receiving your antibiotics. So off we all went.
I met you at the hospital at 12:30. You and Sean were smiling and looking very peaceful and content with all that was happening. Your contractions were all over the place still. There was no real pattern to them as of yet. We were in the admitting room down the hallway for a few hours, while the nurses were getting you all set up, and while your permanent room was being cleaned.
By 2:15 both doses of the penicillin had been administered and you were going to take a little nap. Mary came in to visit and felt the baby. She wanted to be sure, so she brought in an ultrasound machine. This was the first hurdle you conquered in your labor. The baby was head down! Yay!
At 3:45 we were off to your permanent room. It was a nice big roomy room, with a rocking chair, a fold out bed, and a nice big easy chair. It felt good to finally be where we knew the baby would be born.
Mary did her first check of you around 7:00 that evening. You were 90% effaced, and +1 station, and 6 cm dilated. That news was SO exciting! Up until now you had been handling the contractions so incredibly well. They had definitely developed a regular pattern. And you had been adjusting your coping techniques right along with your surges. The nurse that you had was SO wonderfully respectful of your birthing space. She tiptoed around behind you when she had to come in, she folded up the monitor papers with delicateness so as not to make a noise and she always tried to take your vitals in between contractions so they didn’t affect you during your concentration.
You listened to your Hypnobabies scripts in your ipod over and over again, you sat on a straight back chair backwards while leaning on Sean and taking little naps. Soon you began to have lots of pain in your lower back, and your contractions started to do this piggybacking pattern. Both are indications that the baby might be in the wrong position. So we quickly got you standing up and leaning over the bed while swaying your hips to try to turn that baby. Pretty quickly, probably within a half an hour or so, the back pain was gone and your contractions continued on in their normal pattern.
At about 8:15 things changed. You had a big cry. Your labor was intensifying and the emotions intensify as well. Crying is such a good thing in labor. It indicates emotional release and often it’s what a mom needs to get her the rest of the way to pushing time. And things did definitely did intensify. You were nearing the end of Active labor and entering transition. You were getting to the point where you really needed support because the normal early labor coping techniques were no longer working. No position was feeling good. We got you on the bed on your hands and knees with a birth ball to lean over. The contractions were coming one on top of the other. It was definitely transition time. As most women do, you started to doubt your ability to go on. But no one said anything when you mentioned that thought. We just kept supporting you. You worried that the baby might be stuck. I encouraged you to think of “unstuck” things, like flowing rivers. He was definitely not stuck. You really didn’t think you could do it anymore. I called Mary over for some extra help. She basically told you that this was what natural labor felt like and it was up to you if you were going to finish the process or not. You hung your head and got quiet. I’m not sure what was going through that mind of yours, but something happened.
Within the next couple of minutes when you had a contraction, and you made some grunting noises. You had done it. You had gone through transition. You had fully dilated. You were ready to push. I cried. I knew how hard It was to get through that last stage of dilation. And I knew that somehow you had made the decision to go on. And then I heard those wonderful grunting noises. That’s what we wait to hear as birth support people. Those grunts mean the baby wants to come out, and the mommy is going to soon start to learn how to push her baby out.
So began the long process of pushing little Finn into the world. Pushing wasn’t quick for you. He would slowly come down a little, then slide back up. You tried many many different positions. You laid back and pulled up your knees. You used the squatting bar, you pushed on your hands and knees and on your side. You even pushed for a few minutes on the toilet. It was hard, really hard. But you tried, and you kept trying. Anytime someone suggested something else, you were up for it and did what they said.
By the way, I have neglected up until now to mention what a wonderful support and friend your husband Sean had been all along. He was always by your side. He rubbed your back, he stroked your hair, he whispered words of encouragement in your ear, he kept you drinking and getting up to use the bathroom. And he was the strong man who got up on that bed and squeezed the heck out of your hips when you were in transition and needed that pressure like crazy for each intense contraction. He never complained. He was always there. He was amazing.
Finally we started to see Finn’s head, and it started to not disappear in between surges. He was staying down in the birth canal! You continued to push and push and…
Little Finnegan was born at 1:39 in the morning on Friday the 14th. You looked exhausted when you held your baby for the first time, but behind that exhaustion was a look of pride coming over you. The look of “I did it!” was beginning to envelope your being. You held on to Finn with all you had left in your body. It was beautiful. Sean’s daddy face was priceless too.While you were having some little repairs done you kept on holding that precious little boy on your chest. He was alive and alert. He nuzzled around your breast, bobbing his head up and down looking for that nipple and getting used to being in the outside world.
I cannot express how proud I am of you. That labor of yours contained so many obstacles. But each time you ended up making the decision to move forward and get past what was in the way. You worked through the pain and struggles of natural labor. It wasn’t easy, you might not have even wanted to at times. But you did it. You kept tapping into your woman strength and energy that you didn’t even know was there. Your baby was born not through a Cesarean, but through the natural canals that your body provides for it. This would never have happened in the normal medical world. But you created the environment and the support team to make it happen for Finn. You should be very proud of that.
I am honored to have known you and Sean and to have been able to have supported you through this momentous time in your life. It has been a privilege.”
Finnegan was born at 1:49 a.m. on Friday August 14th by unmedicated VBAC, weighing 9 lbs 4.5 oz and measuring 21 and 1/4 inches long, and a year later I still feel the rush of pride and power. I have the gift of this memory to take with me for the rest of my life, and it makes so many tasks and challenges pale in comparison. I now know that I can do anything. Although there were stark similarities (water breaking same time, same place, 24 hour labor, 2-3 hours of pushing, same exact weather, two years and two days apart), everything was different for my second birth. Yet, I realized as I held on to Finn for dear life and enjoyed every moment until I was ready to let Sean breathe him in too, that everything was also the same. An utter miracle; another huge, healthy, pink, soft, sweet baby had come into our lives. It was that moment that I am most proud of, the realization that if I had the same birth experience as the first time, that my heart would still have been been full of the pure magic that is my love for her, for it was Emma who taught me to be a mother, to love unconditionally and who opened my heart to be able to experience future births and babies. I hadn’t needed a do-over after all; I had birthed Finn the same way I had birthed Emma, with all of my heart and being.
Thank you to Sean, Mary, Jessica, Kelly, Shannon, and Carla for encouragement and support, and to all of the women who have ever shared their birth stories.
What a wonderful gift to have the story of your child’s birth told by someone lucky enough to witness it! Thank you, Jessica, for capturing this. And thank you, Sheri, for letting us in on this wonderful experience.
Your baby was born not through a Cesarean, but through the natural canals that your body provides for it. This would never have happened in the normal medical world.
I wonder if you’ve thought about how this kind of language sounds to women who very much wanted to give birth “naturally” but were unable? Not everyone has a c-section electively or simply because their mean old doctor made them.
Beautiful story! I plan to become a doula someday
The ending of this birth story is so beautifully written. I love the realization that both births were the same, despite all of their differences. Thank you for sharing.
And I didn’t get the impression, as “nobody” commented, that the first c-section was elective at all. I don’t think that the point of this story is to slight women who have had c-sections, but just to tell of one woman’s experience of trying a different approach than the typical hospital route.
“Nobody”, I have thought about how that sounds because I am one of those women. My doula wrote that statement because she knew me well and it was my personal wish for my son to be born vaginally. I had thought I might not be able to have that experience after having to undergo a surgical birth with my daughter because of circumstances beyond my control. I do think that nature’s plan is for babies to be born vaginally, and I am grateful that we have cesarean sections available when they are necessary. I am sorry if it was offensive to you or to anyone else, but each woman’s birth story is highly personal and emotionally charged.
Thank you so much for sharing such a beautiful story. It gives me hope that I’ll be strong enough to manage a natural birth this second time around.
To Nobody: I believe strongly, that this is sharing a beautiful birth story, something very intimate and personal. This is not an editorial or judgment on any person’s own experience.
Thank you so much for sharing, Sheri. It certainly is a testament to your strength and courage.
-Kelly