After 3 1/2 hours of pushing and 8 stitches, Ethan was born.

I had a smooth pregnancy. Just your run of the mill 10 months. Unless you count the 65 lbs that I gained. But really who am I kidding, that was my fault.

Wednesday morning I woke up at 6:15 am having contractions. I was ecstatic. I grabbed my pen and paper and headed for the couch timing every contraction like I would receive an award if I didn’t miss any. By 10:00 am they were regular and every 7 – 10 minutes. It was time to shower and “get ready” (come on, everyone did this right?).

My husband walked in from work at 1:30 pm which was surprising for him to be home so early. Being a first time dad and a bit nervous he calls our OB. By this time my contractions were 5 – 7 minutes. She recommends for us to go to the hospital to be checked, just to see what was going on. Nothing, that’s what was going on. Oh I was in labor, having regular contractions but wasn’t dilated at all. I really mean AT ALL!

So home bound we go. It’s 4:30 pm, we grab a pizza and pray things will get moving. Hmmm, I know how to get things moving, I’ll go for a walk. Not just any walk, but a five mile walk. What was I thinking? Now I am exhausted but having contractions every 3 – 5 minutes. Ok, now is the time. Back to the hospital we go.

Not so quickly. Yes, I’m having extremely painful contractions (all back labor) but still wasn’t dilated, not even a fingertip. There’s nothing we can do they say, go home and wait it out. But…they offer me a sleeping pill to “help”. I should have known that this was not going to go well. Who knew I was allergic to Ambien?

Ohhhh, the gnomes and little people swinging from vines. Do you see them? It’s magical. Apparently I hallucinate while taking Ambien. On our 30 minute drive home from the hospital my husband was white knuckled because he didn’t know what to do with me. Do I drive her back to the hospital? Clearly the psych ward is more appropriate for her at this time. We make it home for 2:00 am. Picture the scene. He is fast asleep in bed, and I am up walking around in so much f*&# pain I don’t know what to do with myself. By this time the hallucinations have subsided and I can differentiate the “little” people from not being real.

I have an idea. I will take a bath. Oh that felt good, until I woke up from almost drowning. Yes I had fallen asleep (guess the sleeping pill worked after all) and as my head was submerging under the water my internal drive kicked in. The water was freezing and I wanted to kill my husband. Here he is sound asleep under the covers. My contractions were so bad at this point and the pain unbearable. I go downstairs and lie on the couch not knowing what else to do. At 6:30 am he comes downstairs wondering why I am on the couch.  I could go on about that but that can be for another post.

We head back to the hospital, now 24 hours later. Turns out I am only 3 centimeters dilated. I looked at the woman in triage and said “I swear to you, you will have to rip me out of this room if you tell me to leave”. My contractions were every 1 – 3 minutes lasting for a minute. She apologized and said she was sorry, but you have to be 4 centimeters to be admitted, you’ll have to go home.

My look of shear horror was enough for her to go get the on-call OB. She checks me and says “Oh look at that, you just got to 4.” I wanted to send her flowers for lying on behalf of my mental health.  Now, I went into this labor with a birth plan. No drugs, no lying in bed, soft lights, music…the only thought I had right now was where is the Anesthesiologist.

Hour 28.  I’m still only 3 centimeters dilated and 70 effaced. My nurse says to me “Honey you are going to need to relax if you want this to work”. Really, is that all I need to do, RELAX! I wanted to reply with “Well if you can take the razor-sharp knife out of my back that keeps getting jabbed in there every minute, I’m sure that would help”.  Call the Anesthesiologist, that’s it…30 hours and I am done.

Did you know they have medical students at our top hospital here for women and babies? Now they swear they don’t, but the resident who stuck me 5 TIMES with the epidural needle could vouch for this. I am sitting on the edge of the bed, contraction after contraction, so exhausted thinking why is this taking so long. My husband had a strange look on his face, but didn’t know anything more than I did. The next morning looking at my back with a bruise the size of an apple and 5 needle marks in it explained it.

20 minutes after the agonizing needle pricks I was smiling. I had a “good” epidural. My legs were heavy but I could move them and all the pain was gone. I remember thinking how amazing it was. You know when you have a really bad headache, take something for it, then at some point think hey, it’s gone. That’s how it felt. Relaxing did help, because with in 1 1/2 hours I dilated 7 centimeters.

Happy Birthday Ethan! On June 12^th he came into this world at 6 lbs 6 oz and absolutely beautiful. As I write this I just finished planning his 8^th birthday party. As the years go by certain memories fade, but the birth of you children is something that I believe stays with you forever.

-Shannon

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