Working at Bellani is awful for my biological clock. Every time I’m at work a beautiful, blossoming pregnant belly walks into the store and my heart gets a little weak. I wish it were me expecting. I get sad thinking I may never feel the thrill of a kicking baby ever again. Yes, I’m one of those obnoxiously happy pregnant ladies. I adore being pregnant despite the unbearable itching, constant peeing, horrendous back pain and all the other fun torture my body puts me through when I’m knocked up.
My youngest will be one next month and it’s right around the one year mark that my husband and I decided we were ready to start trying for another child after our first. We were so in love and googly eyed; we wanted more of this crazy drug that had us on cloud nine.
It’s so different now, though. Life is more hectic, good hectic, but hectic nonetheless. Getting from point A to point B takes a lifetime. Getting dressed in the morning, mealtimes, shopping, endlessy trying to carve any time out for myself, for my husband, for each of my kids individually – it’s all a bit of a blur. Regardless of these things which probably don’t sound too appealing to anyone, they’re worthwhile for the little beauties I get to spend my time with. They melt my heart and really do make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. The joy they bring completely outweighs any of the not so hot factors of parenting 2 children.
Despite the joy, though, I’m still torn on whether or not we’ll be having more kids. So in case you’re in the same boat, deciding if you’ll make the leap from two children to three, here is a peak inside my brain; the neurotic and serious reasons for and against adding to our brood.
Convincing reasons not to have another baby:
- The miscarriage between my oldest and my youngest. Not sure I want to weather that again with two littles.
- This is me being insanely vain but ladies you’ll understand – After my first, my body just never went back to it’s old self. I was heavier, mushier. My skin decided to act like that of a 15 year old. My hair was blah. The preggers glow was forgotten. But I accepted it as part of motherhood. I accepted I would look and feel that way forever; a small price to pay for my baby girl. Then baby two arrived via VBAC & my body sort of said holy shizzle! I’ve been sleeping and it feels good to be back! I lost the baby weight. I looked like myself. My skin got it’s act back together. My hair got its shizzle together. I found my swagger. So here’s how I see it. First baby = body freaks out, stays overweight, feel physically lackluster. Second baby = body gets it together, feel strong, feel physically like my good ole self. So I imagine baby 3 would go back to the results post baby one, no?
- I worry I won’t be able to be the mom I want to be. I’ll be distracted, pulled in too many directions.
- Again with the selfish reasons. Another child means adding years to when life will get back to some kind of normal. I know it never goes back to normal, but I imagine after the toddler/preschool years I’ll feel less blurry.
- College tuition.
- Car insurance.
- Weddings.
- I feel like a 3rd would mean our baby would never really get our full attention. Already being the 2nd child, I feel she’s had such a different life than her sister – less playdates, no fun classes, not as many fun moments alone with mom and dad. I’d like time to spoil her.
- I love silence. It’s pretty noisy with two kids. I imagine three can be deafening at times.
- I have two healthy, beautiful daughters. I’d feel like I’m almost pushing my luck if I try to have a third.
Convincing reasons to have another child:
- If what the masses say is true, making the leap from 2 to 3 children is a breeze.
- I like the number 3. A lot. 2 not so much. I don’t like the number 4 (whew!).
- My kids now will not stay at this age forever. By the time baby 3 would arrive, they’d be older, more mature, more self-sufficient.
- In many ways, my second daughter was a gift to my oldest. It’s not the only reason we had her but part of the reason. I’d love to give our girlies the gift of another sibling, family.
- I’m in love with the idea of a big family. Two parents plus three kids equals a massively huge family for me who comes from a family of a whopping 3 – extended and all.
- There’s a whisper sometimes that tells me there’s another little baby that’s mine floating around the universe. She’s just waiting for me to be ready. Who am I to ignore the universe?
- My first daughter is a spitting image of me and my husband – dark hair, dark eyes, tan skin. Our baby is the opposite – blonde/brown hair, blue eyes, creamy skin (please refrain from mentioning the mail man at this point). I’m dying to know what another baby would look like.
- I love names. I love my daughters’ names – Dessa and Farrah. I’m so in love with names and the prospect of not having any more children that I’ve been trying to convince my husband to add middle names to our daughters. A third would be so much fun to name.
So there you have it. All of my logical and not so logical silly reasons for and against baby 3. Why did you make the leap from one to two or two to three or more?
~Carla~
I always felt like the family picture just wasn’t complete yet. It took us a long time to be fully ready, and even then, we weren’t. The Baby (as cheesy as it sounds) completes us. She made us lighten up, and love everything more.
Kelly
We actually didnt “decide” to have a third it just happened. But i cant imagine life with out her. I have two boys ages 8 and 4 and my daughter is 10months. The number 3 seems to feel complete.
I was one of those happy pregnant ladies too, I just love being pregnant, and always tried not to complain too much b/c it was a bit of a struggle getting pregnant with both of mine. We’ve decided we’re done at 2 and it does make me sad that I won’t feel those kicks anymore. But I’m so thankful for the 2 healthy children I have. Something tells me you’re definitely not done yet Carla, follow your heart and I’m thinking it will lead you to a family of 5.
We thought we were pretty much set with Jacob and Sam, now almost 15 and 13 respectively but it seemed someone was missing. We wondered if that someone was a daughter and low and behold we were blessed. We felt sure it was the little girl that would make our family of five complete but we never got a chance to meet the little angel. Feeling sure that we were destined to have a third child, we tried again and God chose to bless us with a third son, Adam. Adam will soon turn 9 and is a wonderful well adjusted child. Each of the three semed to be able to get required attention even though we decided to embark on a whole house remodel project. I recall that as we neared the end of the project, there were more and more discussions regarding the size of our family and while we were trying to decide if we could possibly handle four children, a higher power brought us a little girl that Pat would fawn over (I fawn over her also). Olivia Grace is a thriving 7 year old now who wants to be a vet (University of Vermont will be very expensive but we will find a way). Seeing her come into the world healthly and deciding on her name was very fulfilling. We had decided that we would not have any more children and since Pat had endured enough giving birth, I would take the necessary steps. Somehow a healthy dose of procrastination coupled with a hectic schedule over the next few years delayed implementation of necessary safe guards and just shortly after the loss of my dad, we found out we were going to be blessed again. Needless to say, there was no more procrastination at this point and what needed to be done was taken care of right away. Our surprise baby, Peter (Petey until he insists otherwise) was kept safe by his grandfather Pete until he entered the world in the spring of 2007. Although, we had not planned on having him we felt he was sent to us for a reason. I truly believe that reason is to remind me and my siblings that my dad will always be watching over us.
I apologize for the long dissertation (I love to talk about my children) and would sum everything up with some advice a truly great man once gave me. Ordinarily, when someone is pondering a life changing event,they already have a strong feeling regarding the outcome and are just looking for reassurance when they seek guidance. I could be wrong but I get the feeling you have a strong feeling which way to go. I hope some of what I have recounted helps and will end by saying that at first I couldn’t imagine what it would be like with 5 and now I can’t imagine not having all of them.
I definetely “felt” my second child out there in the world. I had to have her. I knew she was a girl. I don’t feel any more children out there so am happy that we are done at two since that is the number we felt comfortable with. I don’t know what I would do if I thought I had another child out there we needed to bring to us…Good luck making your decision!
My sister has 3 boys and would tell you to stop at 2, even though she loves her 3 boys, going from 2 to 3 is a BIG change.
We have 3 boys(J-5, W-almost 4, and P-2 months). I always wanted 4, but hubby is DONE at 3. lol I just had my 3rd 2 months ago. My 3rd is the sweetest, calmest, happiest baby I have ever had. He has been sleeping though the night for over a month and before that only got up once night. He just goes with the flow.
I already feel the pull in many directions and feel like my older 2 are getting the shaft sometimes and I know as the baby gets bigger and more self-sufficient, he will get the shaft too. There are days I am amazed that the older 2 don’t completely resent the baby. I have learned not to promise them anything anymore because playing a game “after I stop pumping[breastmilk]” almost never happens because- something always comes up, whether it’s a diaper blow-out, a time-out, a phone call, or whatever, I feel a lot of guilt at this point and hope that changes as the baby gets older.
So, now as I read through what i have written it may seem that I would not suggest 3, but my 3rd is such a love. I want to hold him all of the time. I know what you mean about being afraid of another miscarriage. I lost my first baby and one between my second and 3rd. Our 3rd was not planned and was such a little miracle. I’m so glad we were blessed with him.
Good luck on your journey to decide. I believe the decision is already made.