Much of my family’s parenting style falls under what some might call attachment parenting (AP). I’ve read a lot about AP and it really resonates with my instincts as a parent. When I think about AP, I always think about how it applies to me and my husband. How we promote attachment in our relationship with our girls. Seldom do I give thought to how my children are hard wired for attachment from day one, especially my youngest.
Farrah, our almost 9 month old, is an old pro at attachment. She is seriously attached to me. For awhile I thought it was nothing much different from my first daughter but quickly realized she was doing things her own way. For most of her short little life, she has had a strong preference to be with me…all the time. She loves her father and loves to play with him…when I’m near. If I go too far for too long, then poor dad has a very cranky baby on his hands. She doesn’t care for strangers unless she’s in my arms. She won’t take a bottle and refuses to eat for anyone else.
Some folks might find it an issue. And I won’t lie, it can be overwhelming because I want to be there all the time but to be realistic that’s just not possible. I’m not complaining; it comes with the territory. This is what I try to focus on: Her needs are unique; they’re part of the experiences of her life that will make her uniquely Farrah. My experience with this serious attachment is also a lesson for my own life. I focus on the fact that this age is just a blink of an eye in the big scheme of things, too soon she’ll be too cool for me and my hugs. I think about what it teaches my two year old – how she learns to respond to someone else’s needs, how she will take this all in and maybe some day relate to her own children’s needs.
It’s not easy. If you have an extremely attached baby, take a deep breath. Try to find one person- your partner, grandparents, a friend, cousin, aunt or uncle – anyone who baby can connect with as well. No one will replace mom but you never know who might tickle their fancy. Figuring out who that person is (for me it’s my mother-in-law) means you slowly introduce your child to trusting and welcoming other people. Remember one day they will slowly edge away from you towards other people. Invest in a baby carrier; your child just wants to be near you she’s not looking to kill your productivity. Even if she cries, leave her with your significant other. Both of them need to figure it out little by little. And don’t let anyone tell you you’re spoiling them but being too available to them. Giving them the emotional support they need in their baby days, builds confidence.
Do you have an extremely attached baby? How do you handle it?
~Carla~
I have had two velcro babies and wouldn’t have it any other way (and neither would they!). You have to be careful of well-meaning friends and family who suggest lungs need to be exercised or that they need to learn to put themselves to sleep. Do what your instincts tell you, stay close and never let baby cry alone. Mother’s body is baby’s natural habitat. My AP daughter seems to be very well adjusted and independent as she grows older.
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