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Two weekends ago,we ventured out in the snow to the Pawtucket/Wintertime Farmers’ Market and had a blast. It’s the perfect place for kids to run around and learn a little something about eating local. After we left, I couldn’t stop thinking about the maple syrup kettle corn popcorn from Nettie’s Kettle Corn. I’m talking days later I still couldn’t stop thinking about it so I decided I’d go again this past weekend even though I’d be solo with both girls.
The day started out lovely. Happy toddler, happy baby, happy dad off to work and happy mom. Girls were dressed and in the car by 9:30am for the 11am start of the market. I made a quick trip for diapers, wipes and a few other essentials we’d run out of. I made it all the way to the car and had to run back in to take the toilet training toddler to potty. All smooth sailing! The baby fell asleep on the drive to Pawtucket which made for a perfect 20 minute nap. I pulled around the back of Hope Artist Village and peered into the back seat to check on my toddler who was oddly silent. I turned just in time to watch her eyes close (warning sign 1).
With the sweet taste of kettle corn on my mind I ignored the warning sign and told her we were going inside to eat some apples and listen to music. She perked right up and I pulled into a parking space. I hopped in the back seat to wake up Farrah and change a diaper to which Dessa burst into tears and told me I couldn’t change a diaper because it was time to go inside (warning sign 2). I assured her we were still going inside but the diaper change had to be done. I told her I knew she was tired and she could sit in her stroller to relax and enjoy the market. She was soothed and waited, though not patiently, for the diaper change to be done.
I make my way nto the farmers’ market looking like a Bellani billboard – Farrah in her Ergo baby carrier, Haba binky chain dangling off the side, SkipHop diaper bag on one shoulder, Uppa Baby G-Lite on the other, Sophie the Giraffe squeaking in my pocket. When I got inside, I felt like I’d conquered Mt. Everest. The satisfaction of actually getting inside with both of them and all my shtuff was enough to make my day. But the kettle corn had me on a journey.
I picked up some yummy Indian food and parked us just outside the circle of kids listening and dancing to music. I gave Dessa her water bottle and it landed on the ground (warning sign 3); naively I thought it had fallen but really she threw it. The next few moments are a blur. I take the water bottle and tell her she can’t throw things. She bursts into tears. She starts thrashing her body in her stroller as if she’s trying to use her chest to burst through the straps. Tears are falling. She’s crying in a scream-ish kind of way. Farrah, in the Ergo, is smiling from ear to ear and enjoying the sights. Me? I try to pull into an empty space to talk to Dessa unaware we’re past the talking point, attempting to stay as zen as possible.
How did my trip to the farmers’ market end? We left immediately after my failed attempt at talking to the tantruming toddler. A sweet little girl came up to see why Dessa was crying, as all young children do when one of their own seems upset. Dessa, saint that she usually is, tried to kick the poor girl. I was mortified, smiled and offered sincere apologies to the parents and walked, toddler screaming, baby happy as could be straight to the car.
Toddlerhood is quite amazing. I can go days (ok maybe a day) without remembering how challenging this age is and then all hell breaks loose. I thought I’d share this story for all those parents who are having one of those days. You’re not alone.
For kicks, here are some observations/tips from my tantrum experiences:
- Onlookers: please refrain from attempting to appease my child. Your heart is in the right place (and I really appreciate it) but my child’s brain is not. Just get out of the way so we can get to our car ASAP!
- If you’re child has a tantrum in a place with lots of other children, on your way out you will feel like you’re walking through a sea of angels – skipping, singing, holding hands, sharing, halos and all as your kid screams bloody murder.
- Do NOT ignore warning signs. Ever. Ever. Eva.
- I can’t imagine what my toddler thinks of her younger sister who observed the whole thing as though nothing were happening. It’s like having an argument with someone and your siblings is standing right there just smiling in lalaland! It might be tough for some toddlers but it’s a great source of energy for me when I’m at my wits end. I couldn’t lose my cool with Miss Drool smiling away.
- Evacuate fist, then talk. Lesson learned =)
- Feed them and let them sleep. Feed them and let them sleep. Feed them and let them sleep.
After we got home and took a long two hour nap, Dessa awoke on cloud nine surely having dreamt of a field of puppies and bunnies and trays of chocolate ice cream, mac and cheese and pizza. Me? I’ll be dreaming of maple syrup kettle corn popcorn.
What are your tantrum taming tactics?
I just recently had a very similar experience with my 2yr-4mo daughter. It was her first mom and me swim lesson at the Y. She had a wonderful time, but when it came time for our lesson to be over and to get out of the pool, she lost it. Of course. Over stimulation at the max! But we couldn’t quickly evacuate the area, we had to get out of our wet suits (it’s winter! i’m 6 month pregnant!). There was no talking her down, and she proceeded to scream, wail, squirm, and cry the entire time I was trying to get us dried off, warm, and dressed. As we left the family dressing area, people wouldn’t make eye contact with us, as if scared of our disease! I have never been one to be easily embarrassed, but this was true embarrassment. By the time I was able to get to the car and drive home, I was the one nearing tears!
I’m not sure what I could have done differently, but we are going to go again this week, hoping for a better experience. We’ve talked, at length, about our next visit to the pool. How we will have fun in the pool, but when it’s time for us to get out, we will do so without crying. We’ve talked about how someone else will get a turn in the pool after us, and that we are sharing the pool, etc. I hope this talking will help. But maybe I’m naive.
One thing is for sure: toddlers are fickle and unpredictable, and certainly keep their parents on their toes!
Wish I had read this before taking my son to the store on Sunday. Wish I had just left the cart and drove home instead of believing I could redirect his behavior. Mostly wish I hadn’t blown my whole day on a power struggle with a 6 yr old.
@A-mom You deserve major props for just being willing to take your daughter to swim class while pregnant with your second! I was such a tired mess during my second pregnancy we barely left the house. Hopefully someone will have some good advice for making it thru swim class and you never know it could be a smashing success this week =)
@Stacey B We are naive, hopeful creatures us moms. I always think I can redirect and distract. Sometimes I succeed other times I fail but I figure our kids need us to be as naive and hopeful as we are since it’s always a 50/50 chance on what the outcome will be.
Wow does this post bring back memories! My oldest daughter would have tantrums (much to my dismay) from about 18mos until almost 3yrs old that you would have to see to believe. What got me through it (after a lot of trial and error) was waiting until she either got herself together or wore herself out to address the issue. This isn’t for everyone and it takes an enourmous amount of patience as well as a thick enough skin to not really be concerned about onlookers, but it did work for me. By the way my daughter is now a delightful, happy and well-adjusted 10yr old so I guess neither of us were too damaged by the tantrm phase. : )