Before my first daughter was born, people warned me about the “terrible twos”. The way people talked about it you’d think it involved heads spinning and green vomit. Now that I’m a parent of a 2 year old, I can see what they were talking about. However, I’ve come to realize I’m more the problem than my toddler is. Here’s my theory. By the time a child is 2, they’ve grown a lot and in many ways they act like a grown up - doings things for themselves, listening really well, putting things away, communicating effectively. It’s hard to imagine that just about a year before they weren’t even walking and barely talking! Since 95% of the time my toddler is so adult-like, I set my expectations pretty high; so the 5% of the time she acts like a 2 year old I’m somehow shocked.
My poor 2 year old who has to live up to these expectations. Expectations I know not even some 20 or 30 or 40 or even 50 year olds could live up to. I mean, really, how many adults do you know that only want to do things their way? If I were butting heads with someone I wouldn’t demand they do it my way; I’d negotiate an acceptable middle ground. So why can’t I offer my 2 year old the same courtesy? In the rush of everyday life, it’s easy to forget to slow things down and respect your child the same way you would an adult. When you’re running late for an appointment, carrying a crying infant in a car seat and trying to get a coat on a toddler, it can be difficult to remember to be patient while your toddler finishes what they were doing, even it was just coloring.
I’m not perfect so I do catch myself losing my patience and forgetting to respect my toddler. I sometimes act like the two year old who only wants things done her way. There are two things I find have helped me to check myself (before I wreck myself - sorry couldn’t help it!). First, when an outburst happens, I ask myself what role I played in it. Did I forget to provide my toddler with a healthy meal so now she’s hungry? Did I not notice her signs of being tired and now, napless, she’s cranky? Did I promise one thing then do another? Many of our moments are just my daughter reacting to something I have neglected to do.
The other thing I do is read a lot. I read a lot of books on the type of parent I want to be and it helps to remind me of how to best handle situations to foster a healthy self-esteem and independence in my daughter. Reading has helped to make sure my expectations are realistic. My favorite read to date has been Positive Discipline which gives a great overview of a young child’s development. It’s given me perspective and really helped me to approach those tough encounters with more patience.
How do you handle the terrible twos?
-Carla
